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Trust

Guest Posts, Life, Trust, Truth

Truth and Consequences

April 15, 2016

By Amelia Zahm

“Lying is done with words, and also with silence.”

“The liar lives in fear of losing control. She cannot even desire a relationship without manipulation, since to be vulnerable to another person means for her the loss of control.”
–Adrienne Rich

I sat down to write about lies. More specifically, I intended to write about your lies, all the millions of tiny and gigantic untruths you spun into a glistening web around you and me. I set out to tug on those fibers, to peel back the sticky net and expose the raw, pink flesh of truth hiding underneath, to reveal you. I want to bring your greatest fear to life. I want the world to see behind your mask, and I want to be the one who pulls it off. That’s the meanness in me.

But I can’t hold onto meanness the way you do. I don’t have the stomach for it. Anger and jealousy flash through me, blazing then burning out. I’ve learned to clean up the debris, compost it, and move on. I’ve seen what holding a grudge can do. During the twenty years of our friendship, I watched you smolder with resentment and envy when you felt slighted, upstaged, or challenged. I just never believed you’d turn that on me. Continue Reading…

Abuse, Guest Posts, Mental Health, Relationships, Trust

I Should Hate You, But I Don’t: Loving and Letting Go of a Pathological Liar

February 12, 2016

TRIGGER WARNING: This essay deals with the damage caused by a pathological liar. 

By Ashley Gulla

I didn’t think I could survive you.  I didn’t think I could find my way out of that dark, black hole I found myself in a few years ago.  Even when you couldn’t take it anymore and quietly slipped away from me, I had no idea how to surrender.  I don’t know the pain of losing a child, so it may have been ignorant of me to think, but the death of “us” left an aching, empty space I imagine was comparable.  Or at least I did when I was in the process of letting go.  Because I wasn’t just letting go of you, I was letting go of my innocence, and that was a heavy price to pay for loving you.

That empty space still exists but it’s different now.  It’s just as vast as it ever was but it’s not nearly as dark or scary.  Those parts of me — my fear, my insecurities, hopelessness and obsessiveness — don’t hurt to touch anymore.  I’ve stared the monster that lives in my head straight in its eyes, and I’ve learned to be friends with her.  I, even some times, find myself lost in that emptiness, with a sense of appreciation and humor, over that the fact that I’m still standing after everything.  And some days, standing would be an understatement.  I’m dancing, flying!  Other times, not as often as before, I’m crawling.  But I’m still here, and I’m happy.

I don’t miss you.  I don’t wish things were different.  And for the first time in the last three years, I’m happy you’re not the one surprising me at work, or finishing my sentences when I can’t find the right word, or wrapping your arms tightly around me as we both fall asleep.  I cringe remembering how foolish I was.  How much trust I instilled in you.  How I hung on every single word, when I knew better.  And I always knew better, but I desperately wanted to know different.  I recognize now how desperately I wanted you to be different.  And how unfair that truly is.

But I also remember every single night I cried until I had nothing left inside, not because you were unfaithful, but because of the cat and mouse game you played with me.  Because story after story after story was just another way to manipulate me to feel a certain way:  jealous, insecure, guilty, afraid, secure, happy, loved.  I became a shell of myself trying to sustain a relationship that wasn’t sustainable.  The very spirit of who I am and why you loved me, which I believe you did, was missing.  Or, hiding really.  Scared.  Angry.  Hurt.  Broken.  Shaking somewhere in a dark corner, away from the world.

I lost myself in the process of trying to hold you to a standard that just wasn’t possible.  To say my heart was crushed would be putting it lightly.  I was not only learning how to accept that “we” were never going to be, but more importantly, how to trust myself again because in the midst of trusting you, you taught me not to trust myself.  With every reassuring lie and false promise, you convinced me that my intuition, logic, and understanding of the world was wrong.  I knew better.  But I wanted to know different. Continue Reading…

Trust, Video

My Most Personal Vlog. The One on Trust.

October 6, 2013

Hello from Lenox, Mass. This video is deeply personal and deals with the theme of trust. Here is the video I mentioned in the above with video Christy Turlington Burns and Every Mother Counts
Love you, my beloved Tribe xo www.jenniferpastiloff.com. Share this video if inspired to, as always.

 

Jennifer Pastiloff, Beauty Hunter, is the founder of The Manifest-Station. Check out jenniferpastiloff.com for all retreat listings and workshops to attend one in a city near you. Next up: South Dakota, NYC, Dallas, Kripalu Center For Yoga & Health, Tuscany. She is also leading a Writing + The Body Retreat with Lidia Yuknavitch Jan 30-Feb 1 in Ojai (sold out) as well as Other Voices Querétaro with Gina Frangello, Emily Rapp, Stacy Berlein, and Rob Roberge. She tweets/instagrams at @jenpastiloff.

Trust, Video

Do You Trust? Jen Pastiloff Video Blog.

May 23, 2013

Where can you trust more?

Where can you let it be?
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Where can you believe in your own worth more? Trust is THE BRIDGE between your ask and its showing up when it comes to manifesting what you want.

Daily Manifestation Challenge, Trust

Let It Be. The DMC.

December 5, 2011

By now, if you have been to my yoga classes, you know of my love of the 3-word-sentence.

Examples: I love you.

No Big Deal.

Let It Be.

Lean On Me.

It’s just yoga.

Give Me Money.

Ok, the last one is a joke but I am indeed a fan of the brevity and the power of such sentences. (Feel free to add your own to my list.)

In fact my upcoming tattoo is going to say, in black lettering, NBD. No Big Deal.

I am just going to hold up my wrist when I need a reminder myself or when a student is getting upset in class when they can’t get into a crow pose.

My four friends from England have a great song called “Let It Be.” One of my favorites.

I remember when I heard my teacher Wayne Dyer speak a couple years ago. He brought up this notion. This notion of simply letting it be. I remember getting goosebumps (this happens when something resonates with me.)

Up until that point, I had generally had a hard time letting things be. At that moment, as Wayne was up there speaking, I realized why.

I lacked Trust.

Trust is the bridge between all things, My Dear Sweet Manifesters.

I understand why I lacked trust. I do. And yet, at that point, as Wayne stood on stage humming the tune to “Let It Be” I realized that although I understood the why as far as my lack of trust was concerned, I would no longer use that why as my reason for the way the life was unfolding for me.

In order to simply let it be, you must have a great deal of trust. Or Heck, at least a little.

Trust in the way the Universe is unfolding, trust in your relationships, in yourself, in whatever it may be. If you are missing that trust, then how in the name of The Beatles can you simply let things BE.

Without trust, you will feel the need to fight and push and pull. 

I know. I lived this way for a long time.

Yes, my dad died at a young age and I assumed that things would be taken away from me so I did not trust anything or anyone for a long time.

That, my friends, gets old. 

It gets old very fast.

So today’s DMC, as well as the theme for my yoga classes is this: Where can you let it be in your own life? Where can you stop fighting or worrying or trying so hard? Or, in other words: where can you trust more? Where can you own your knowing and abandon your doubt? Write it down in the comment section below.

Man, those 4 dudes from Liverpool where on to something.

So is Wayne Dyer. 

So am I.

So are YOU.

Letting It Be,

Jen (@manifestyogajen on twitter)

If you come to class tonight or tomorrow this will be the mantra. Let it Be.

Anytime the hands come together in prayer you will silently mouth those words. And hopefully, if my plan works, you will begin to create new thought patterns and belief systems and habits. Like lettin’ it be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let it Be by John Lennon and Paul Mccartney
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

~~~~

Apparently my sister has a love of three word sentences as well since her site is called 3 Words For 365. It’s on! http://3wordsfor365.wordpress.com/